confessions to dispossession..

Umm its best that I write to u about how I feel rather than me saying it straight to ur face..it'll be less complicated and less embarrassing too..haha..so here it goes..babe..I like u..I like u a lot..and I'm sure that u notice..I'm sure that u know how I feel..we had a history..be it good or bad,it still is a history..but from my half,it was an experience that I will cherish till years to come..
I'm not begging..I'm not trying to trick u out into liking me or anything..this is just me being me..this is me being a coward coz I can't face u when it comes to elaborating more about how I feel..I'm very emotional about this somewhat pathetic too..and I takut I ternangis..haha!and this is me escaping rejection from face to face..I wrote something similar like this a few days back..the night when u said 'masa mula2 tada..macam biasa..tapi sekarang macam dah ada..sikit..'..lebih kurang la kan..but I didn't know how to end it..coz I myself wasn't sure about where I actually stand in ur current life..what's certain is that I still stand far off, way back then where He is..and I don't blame u, or him for that..coz I know how it feels to really luv someone..and its both good and twisted that u have that quality..good meaning that ure loyal and passionate..but twisted coz it lowers my chances in getting u to like me..haha..that's normal..I know..I'm not a little boy anymore..I can pretty much control my feelings..well,most of it.. :P
I've been receiving some mixed up signals and feelings for the past one or two weeks..some times I feel like I bore u..some times I feel like u miss me and u want me there..or it just could be that I'm the most convenient at that time for u..but I just can't stand it..I luv having you around..near me..I luv spending time with u..ure funny..ure cute..ure pretty..and most of all ure honest..sure, all of us have secrets but I would luv to keep the fact that u are what u are..u make me happy..and I luv me when I'm happy..hehe..
So here's the ending..the ending of my karangan..not us tau..haha..I don't wanna waste my time chasing a phantom..don't get me wrong..I luv chasing u..I luv doing things for u..with u..but ill always end up feeling a bit empty in my heart n soul when we say our goodbyes..it makes me want u more..so that u can fill the gap that's in me..u make me do things that I normally don't do..If u feel bad,please don't..be flattered that someone is head over heels for u..if u feel sad,please don't..be happy that I have the urge to have u near me and protect u..
Being friends would suffice..I don't mind..i won't fall that deep into the ground..I just don't wanna lose u like I did before..ahhh banyak lagi nak tulis tapi takut terlebih..sorry its long..but I need u..to know..I hope ure not dissapointed after reading this..I'm sorry..again..for messing up ur head..if I ever did or am..
Thank you for trusting me..and u can still always trust me after this..take care nyet..don't hate me!haha :( :)

14 july 2010
3.00 a.m.